Do therapists even miss clients when they stop working with them?

I can’t speak for all therapists, but i definitely do. Endings are difficult for many, myself included. 

It’s hoped that a termination of services would be mutually agreed upon and worked through, but it doesn’t always work that way. Unfortunately I’ve had multiple experiences in my career due to sudden shifts in insurance or due to medical situations that I’ve had to end my work with clients earlier than expected. 

Two experiences stand out to me, first when I was working at an elementary school and I accepted a different job through my company. I had told the news to my students that I had 2 weeks left and then I wouldn’t be working with them anymore. I felt so sick breaking the news to my students and the principal. I remember feeling dizzy and weak from fear and worry about the sudden change and how they would react. Apparently that wasn’t the only reason I felt ill because the next morning I learned I had COVID and had to quarantine for the following 2 weeks. The same 2 weeks I had left with my students. I didn’t get to say an official goodbye. I told them I was leaving, but I didn’t expect the end so soon.

I constantly thought about how I had reassured the students that I’d still be there for another 2 weeks and we could process my departure. I was upset because that hadn’t happened; I didn’t get to actually say goodbye to these young people that I made a connection with. So surely the next times I knew I would be ending with clients I would do so as early and thoroughly as possible. 

But that doesn’t always happen either. At my most recent practice before starting Open Mind Therapy, I told my clients 6 months in advance of my due date that I was pregnant and would be going on maternity leave. Many of my clients I had received after another counselor went on maternity leave and did not return though they believed she would. So I wanted to make sure they were prepared and ready once March came and I would be leaving to have my baby. I was open about the possibility that I wouldn’t return to the practice after my leave. But I believed we had so much time to continue and figure things out before my departure. As life goes, my water broke in January and I went on maternity leave a lot earlier than expected. 

It was happening again, but it hit harder this time cutting relationships with clients I had worked with for over a year. Before on leave, my boss made a comment that once I was out of the office I wouldn’t think of it at all. Waiting to have my baby, my job and clients were all I could think about. How they would learn the news, who they would work with next, if I was going to be able to return, how I could be another therapist they felt abandoned by. If any of you have found me and are reading this, here is my not so formal apology that I couldn’t reach out to you after I had the baby and that I chose to leave the practice and couldn’t bring you along. Also if it makes sense and you want to pick up again, let me know.

Once again I didn’t get to say that last goodbye. I didn’t get that closure and I know my clients didn’t either. School teaches therapists how to end the working relationship with clients. Take some sessions to reflect on the progress made, gather feedback on yourself as a therapist, discuss future work and plans, and provide space to process any emotions that come up. It didn’t prepare me for the grief I would feel when I would suddenly lose people I talked with every or every other week. I’m constantly reminded of my past clients, left to wonder how they’re making on with life and progressing in what we were once working on. Barred by ethics to look them up on social media or reach out. I’ll continue to send good energy their way when they pop up in my mind. 

So again, I can’t speak for all therapists and I wouldn’t want to, but I do think about and miss clients that I’ve worked with.